The Kevin Crane ManifestoCreated 2012-12-02T22:15:40Z - Kevin Crane
Ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome to the inaugural post of The Kevin Crane. This is will basically be a place for me to dump things out of my brain and onto the internet: nerd stuff, funny stuff, music stuff, sports stuff, basically anything that's too long to fit in a Facebook status.
This will also be the start of one aspect of my personal manifesto: to be the definitive Kevin Crane in the world.
If I may be humble to my opponents, the competition is steep, consisting of a lawyer, a judge (with several petitions for his recall), a horse breeder, and a guy who “likes” a lot of muscle-building products on Facebook. If I'm totally realistic, they're all petty and insignificant beneath my might. These guys hail from places as storied as Missouri, somewhere in Massachusetts, and China (a town in Maine), and their average age is like 67. That alone should be enough to seal my victory. I'm easily the most attractive of all of them, what else do I need?
I need more. This blog will be the start of my internet domination, planting the seed of my post-mortem legacy (if I ever die, which seems unlikely at this point). I'll be posting here every few days hopefully about whatever is in my mind at the time. It'll be a surprise. Like Christmas, but I'm in your chimney.
USC has trained me to be intelligent, arrogant, and wildly successful, and that's worked out pretty well so far. Time to take it a little bit further.
P.S. GoDaddy has given me $100 total in ad credits on Facebook and Bing (woo), so keep your eyes peeled for my glowing face.
P.P.S. This is my only real competition in this contest: http://goo.gl/e44WW Let's be real, it's charming. I will be legitimately happy if someone gets me this for Christmas.